If you have come across a book titled 'All the beggars riding' by Lucy Caldwell, you might understand my situation. A story about Lara and her brother that lost their father in a terrible accident and she was trying to erase the memories and get back on track.
So at that distressing time I made sure I meditated everyday on Deuteronomy 30:9 "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life that you and your children may live".
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